Have you ever been so caught up in being the perfect mother that you forget you are a wife too? I have. I forgot how to wife. And it’s causing more problems than I ever thought imaginable. (On the flip side, some cringy photos of hubby and I back in the day to follow)
I went day by day thinking our relationship is fine. We don’t argue (well hardly) and we still kiss each other every day. What was the problem? Nothing wrong right? Little did I know, I was damaging my relationship by being too caught up being the perfect mom that I completely neglected my marriage. Lucky for us, we addressed the issue before it became worse and things are even better now. But let me tell you, put your marriage first.
Your children only thrive from happy parents and a happy marriage goes hand in hand.
We fall in this trap called life and routine. We are so fixated on creating the perfect routine at home, working and providing and keeping those little people alive that we don’t step back and look at the bigger picture. We work so hard on being great parents, when did we stop working on being a great couple? Any relationship takes work. A lot of work and daily efforts.
Don’t get me wrong, it goes both ways. Your husband needs to try just as hard as you do otherwise you are setting your marriage up for failure. It’s not 50/50 they say but 100/100. According to a 2012 study from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, couples who spend more one-on-one time together are less prone to divorce and report higher levels of sexual satisfaction, communication and commitment. “Husbands and wives who engaged in couple time with their mates at least once a week were approximately 3.5 times more likely to report being ‘very happy’ in their marriages,” the study added.
I know what you thinking, between kids, where the hell is the alone time?
We go to bed a little later lately. After the kids are in bed, and the house has gone from chaos to calm, we spend 9:30pm-11:00pm talking, connecting and laughing at our favorite series. He makes me tea and those 90 minutes out of our long and hard day, is all you need to just reconnect. Living past each other is dangerous, so make time. Even if it’s just 10 or 30 minutes, it’s something. It’s a start. If possible, even if it’s just once a month, go on date night. It’s so good for the soul and so necessary for the two of you to rekindle lost romance, even if it’s just a sunset walk on the beach hand in hand, with an ice cream to end off the night.
My point is, TRY.
If I can do it with my manic schedules, you can too. Ask yourself if your marriage is as great as it was before your kids came into the picture. If not, make a change. If it is, well done! You doing much better at this rat race called life than I am. Love is a CHOICE you make every day. Loving your husband is a CHOICE. I choose a happy marriage. For me, for us and for our kids. I might often forget to do the right thing in our relationship, but I will never forget how much I love my husband. The love is what fuels my desire to be a better wife. I want to be a better wife, I can be a better wife. Can you?
PS : Sorry hubs that I’m not that tequila-drinking-blonde-spontaneous girl anymore, at least I still have my quick wit 😉
absolutely amazing post, thank you beautiful
I so needed to read this!!!! My 2 boys are the same age as yours ( almost 3 and 5 months) and I have also forgotten how to WIFE in the chaos of goin back to work, school, solids, and and and…. thank you
loved this post, we get so caught up in life in general kids,school,work have to make a plan for date nights
SO SO true!! I wake up every morning make the extra effort to be a better wife and the wife he needs me to be!x
Thank you!!!!
Our son is almost 1 now in March and I now realise I havent “wifed” this whole year. I wanted so bad to be a mom and struggling through a miscarriage and then being pregnant again I put everything into my son when he arrived.
Coming from a home with not the best marriage as an example this has now just given me that hello moment.
Awsome blog!!!
[…] put it so well, she wrote a post called “I forgot how to wife” and you can read it here. And it is so true! We’re all so busy being moms that we forget that we were actually people […]